"You come after the king, you best not miss"

Omar, you will be missed:

The music video that tragically ended a legendary rock career...

New Pinback video

I'm in love with this band all over again. New CD out in mid-September.

From Nothing to Nowhere

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Haley 1, Newton 0

The mission: Jump off a cliff, soar like a bird and land gracefully on the soft sandy beach below.



The reality: Upon arrival, seeing the ramp that ended at a good 1500-ft drop down the side of a really steep mountain twisted my stomach into knots. I knew all I had to do was get past the jumping-off part and I’d be home free. But Jeeeeeeeesus, that ramp was intimidating.

Of course, I was doing a tandem flight, so I was harnessed into a glider with a trained instructor who was doing all the work, but Jeeeeeeesus, the ramp.

When the moment came to run down that giant wooden plank and take off into a giant abyss, I literally shut my eyes and screamed. Then whoosh. Then we were floating. I opened my eyes and I was flying. It was amazing. All I could do is laugh and tell my instructor he had the greatest job in the world. We were up there a good 10 minutes but it seemed more like 10 seconds. We landed with an abrupt thud on the sand. I hugged my instructor. I couldn’t stop smiling for hours.

Past Adventures in Online Dating

So last April I got an email from a relatively handsome guy on Match. He’s my age, separated, 2 kids and is originally from Denmark. After exchanging a few normal “small talk” emails, we turn to the subject of books we’re reading. This is when the conversation took a sudden left turn.

HIM: So tell me about the pile of unread books on your desk. I am currently reading three books at the same time.

This may be a bit too forward, but since I know it's show stopper for some women, I prefer to be up front about it. I only get romantically involved with women, but I am somewhat bisexual.


(Blogger’s note: Insert sound of car brakes screeching to a halt…)

ME: Um.....ok. I appreciate your honesty.

I have a few questions.

1) What do you mean "somewhat"? Do you regularly hook up with guys or just find yourself attracted to them?


HIM: I am actually not attracted to guys as such. But I like for a guy to occasionally "top" me so I occasionally hook up. It's usually something that builds up over time and then I need to get it out of my system.


ME: 2) Have you ever been romantically involved with a man?


HIM: No. And I can't imagine I would ever be. It's just sex.


ME: Sorry for the barrage of questions, but your answers have me asking more...

3) Do you hook-up with men when you're involved with a woman? Wouldn't you consider that cheating, even if it is "just sex"?


HIM: No worries. I'll answer any question you dare ask. :-)

I would prefer to have the woman's consent, because it is a desire that I cannot ignore. I've tried to do that, but it just doesn't work. I'm a very sexual person and I can't change that. I would even let her watch or participate if she wanted to.


ME: 4) Are you "safe" when you do this?


HIM: Yes, I am safe.


ME: 5) You mention in your profile that you are separated with two kids. Did the bisexuality have anything to do with your separation?


HIM: No, we just don't get along any more. I think it's what having kids can do to a relationship.

I moved out of the bedroom nine months ago and into the guest room upstairs where the kids and our au pair live. Once she (my wife) gets her green card or maybe already when my work situation has been resolved, I will get an apartment somewhere near. I would have joint custody of our kids.

Sound complicated? We both date and try not to get in each other's way, but it's clearly not a sustainable situation for either party. I'd like to be able to invite people over for dinners and what not.



ME: You've been direct with me (I appreciate that) so I'm being direct with you. I don't think we're a good match. But you've probably already figured that out.


HIM: Yes, I figured that out by now. My living arrangements will change, but
my sexuality will not. I guess I am just not for the masses. :-)

French Vanilla

It's my dream to ride off into the sunset with Stephen Colbert.

Adventures in Online Dating

As all of my friends know, I'm single. And it doesn't help that I live in Midtown, Atlanta, otherwise known as "Gay Ground Zero". I'm surrounded by handsome, sensitive, witty men on a daily basis, but none of them want to see me naked. So, like thousands of singles in Atlanta, I've turned to online social sites like Match.com, Myspace and Friendster to "put myself out there".

Even though most of the guys I talk to or meet online are relatively normal, I do run across a few crazies. So much so that I've decided to start documenting these rather interesting emails I get.

Last week, I received this one, From "MuscMakr", a 43 yr old man in Buford, Georgia:

Subject: Do you wear anything other than black?

So here it is, Thursday morning, and I'm about to go out for my morning run. While sipping my coffee and putting on my running shoes, I go to check my email and there you are listed among the many so called "matches" that I received from match. So I click on your picture and read your profile and...

I liked it. But I have a question. Do you wear anything other than Black? Don't get me wrong, I like black too and often wear it when I go out at night. But now that it's summer, do you like to wear colors? I like bright colors on women.

Robbie

Are these extra-wide seats?

Hey! Let's combine America's favorite past time with America's biggest health threat!

Shakespeare....Outdoors!

My latest work. Two very, very, very low-budget :15 commercials for the Chesapeake Shakespeare Company.

The Real Stephen Colbert

The Real Stephen Colbert

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I called it!!!!! I called it!!!!!

Weeks ago, I posted on my MySpace profile that Stephen Colbert was my "Howard Roark".

It's almost as if he heard me.

Would you like a side of K-Fed wit dat?

The fact that he had enough of a sense of humor to do this commercial makes him almost likeable. .....almost.

Congress needs to get in touch with their feminine side

The best Onion headline ever.

Ooooh that smell....Can't you smell that smell?

A Not-So-Stealth bomber brings an entire plane down.

Jobs that sound much cooler in theory than in reality

Forest Ranger

Secret Service Agent

Chili Cook-off Judge

Pimp

Stand-up Comedian

Head Barista at Starbucks

Private Detective

Personal Assistant to a Celebrity

Background dancer for rap video

Freelance Copywriter

Don't blame me. Blame him. Or her.

If you criticize my copywriting, you're criticizing God.

Miami Vice, Reno 911-style

I will be the first in line to see this future cult classic.

How to conquer the world without firing a single shot

I don't fear Al Queda. I fear Starbucks.

I was always good at taking tests. Go figure.

Modern, Cool Nerd
52 % Nerd, 60% Geek, 17% Dork
For The Record:

A Nerd is someone who is passionate about learning/being smart/academia.
A Geek is someone who is passionate about some particular area or subject, often an obscure or difficult one.
A Dork is someone who has difficulty with common social expectations/interactions.
You scored better than half in Nerd and Geek, earning you the title of: Modern, Cool Nerd.

Nerds didn't use to be cool, but in the 90's that all changed. It used to be that, if you were a computer expert, you had to wear plaid or a pocket protector or suspenders or something that announced to the world that you couldn't quite fit in. Not anymore. Now, the intelligent and geeky have eked out for themselves a modicum of respect at the very least, and "geek is chic." The Modern, Cool Nerd is intelligent, knowledgable and always the person to call in a crisis (needing computer advice/an arcane bit of trivia knowledge). They are the one you want as your lifeline in Who Wants to Be a Millionaire (or the one up there, winning the million bucks)!

Congratulations!

Are you a geek? A nerd? A dork? Take this test and find out....

I've got a new toy.

It's black and it's 13 inches long.

Christmas shopping - done.

Let me know which one you want!

Keira Knightley, you are on notice!

Your forehead should never, ever, ever be wider than your waistline.

Folgers actually paid for good creative.

One of those commercials I wish I had thought of.

Fruit of the Loom music video

Love this parody:

OK GO! on treadmills

This is a band I saw at SXSW earlier this year. They're known for their zany choreographed dance routines in their videos and onstage during their shows. This is their latest Flashdance routine- incorporating treadmills. Worth watching.

Best Band Name

I'm going to start an all-girl punk rock group and call it the Elvis Teddy Bear Massacre.

Your name, please?

I will never be able to marry men with the following last names, as the subsequent pronunciation of my married name would be too ridiculous to handle gracefully:

Daley

Waley

Scaley

Hailey

Ho

Scomet

Pug Bowling

The thing that makes this video so great is the artistry put into it.

I've been alone since '89...

Broken Social Scene video for "Cause = Time"

Lawyers everywhere go "WHAT????????"

The truly remarkable part of this story is the ending: the family does not hold the hotel responsible.

What's the best way to keep my beer cold?

The most pressing issue of our time solved.

Deal Breakers

Everybody out in the dating world has them. Those “things” that you take note of when confronted with a single member of the opposite sex that tells you “Absolutely no way”.

For the purposes of entertainment, I have compiled a list of my own personal deal breakers. And I bet most girls out there would agree with a lot of these:

• The gold chain. If you’re not Mr. T, get rid of it. Now.
• The moustache. Goatees and beards are cool- but the Tom Selleck moustache is just outright cheeseball.
• Going dutch on the first date, if the guy initiated the date.
• Waist-high, pleated khaki pants, a braided belt and a golf shirt. The uniform of the outside-the-perimeter (OTP) dullard.
• Thick back hair.
• Guys who try to dress like gangstas.
• Married men. Engaged men. Guys living with their girlfriends. I have no desire to end up cowering on the stage of the Springer show while your baby-mamma attempts to throw a chair at me.
• Guys who weigh less than me. Unfortunately for me, this rules out the lead singers of most bands.
• Guys who are waaaaaaaaaaaaay into sports. You can be on my trivia team, but you’re never going to be my boyfriend.
• Jean shorts.
• Guys who send you emails using abbreviated text message lettering: “U R 2 hot.” A faction of society that needs to be exterminated from the gene pool immediately.
• Guys with VIP status at any local strip club.
• Guys who can only talk about themselves. From what I can tell, this is about 99.9% of the male population of Atlanta.
• Guys who are gay and don’t know it yet. I know it. Everyone else knows it. Now it’s your turn.

Sure, I’m picky. But to be fair, where there are Deal Breakers, there are also “Deal Sealers”. Yes, these are guaranteed to get you to at least first base and quite possibly a home run outta the park:

• Guys who insist I order dessert.
• Low-waist, slouched Seven jeans and a well-worn T-shirt draped over broad, well-defined shoulders, topped with a chiseled jawline and perfect teeth.
• “Hi, I’m Ryan Gosling.”


As always, feel free to add your own.

Board Games Inspired by the Bush Administration

They forgot "Clue-Less"

Don't Hassel the Hoff

David Hasselhoff's latest creepy-ass video.

Nothing says "I love you" like several harassing phone calls

Dating is hard enough without having to deal with a total whack job like this.

Don't go transformin'

This is a video from my friend Keith, for all you Transformers geeks out there. GoBots suck!

Twisted Sister said it best: "I WANNA ROCK!!!!"

Hello, I'm GrupGirl. Not to be confused with Valley Girl or the Noxema Girl.

Even though I'm in my mid 30s, I have absolutely no desire to cut my hair short, shop in the women's department, live in the burbs and stop rocking out at concerts. And I'm not the only one....